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15 September 2009 @ 07:14 am
Happy Tag is not so Happy  
Today I discovered that that, no matter what you use as ingredients, if you fry a vegan sandwich it will taste good. You could pile dirt and mustard on a piece of bread, and if you slapped another piece on top of it and fried it in a pan, your tastebuds would have an orgasm. Or, as I prefer to call it, "total mouthgasm".

I sauteed mushrooms, leeks, water chestnuts and a bunch of Italian spices in a pan, adding soy sauce at the very end; after that, when the (very thickly-cut) mushrooms had been properly fried, I dumped it in a bowl so that I could use the pan for frying a sandwich and put some on top of a slice of bread... I covered the other side with mustard. I'd originally been planning to make some sort of bastardized vegan Reuben, but we had neither sauerkraut (someone threw mine away) nor Thousand Island (my family doesn't eat salad - that's poor people food!). As all those worthy of the name 'chef' do, I improvised.

Let me explain that I am really goddamn snobby about my cooking. You're not a chef just because you were rich enough to go to school, honey, and if you can't taste the complexities of bananas and blueberries enough to be satisfied eating those alone for three days straight, your palate isn't all that broadened. It doesn't take any talent to slap a slab of meat on the grill and take it off when it's done, and you're not brilliant for accomplishing dishes that most pre-industrialization rural seven-year-olds made on a daily basis.

Look at you, you followed a recipe and got a degree! Isn't that just darling? It looks like you know how to suck up and pretend enough to wow some retard carnist with a puffy white dick hat whose salt and dairy consumption has eaten 78.6% of the tastebuds out of their fucking heads. Excuse me while I go laugh at your ineptitude in the culinary arts.

You're not skilled, sweetie pie. You can make any fucking Joe Schmoe glorble down a dish if you tell them it has animal products in it; it's not so easy to have someone tell you to your face that they hate vegetable soups if they don't have meat... and then prove them wrong. I don't make pre-planned dishes; improvisation is when you get the best work.

If it doesn't work that way for you, you should put down the wooden spoon and let the Big Chefs work, honey.

TEAL DEER: Fried sandwiches are delicious; degree-holding chefs are stupid and incompetent; the making of food is working with art, and as such falls flat and empty when it is produced repeatedly, stripping it of its originality. LOL U SUX VINCENT J. GUIHAN LRN 2 EAT

P.S. The sandwich was delicious.
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Jamista1calm_whirlwind on September 18th, 2009 03:56 pm (UTC)
hahaha nice,

thats how I cook to mostly,
sometimes I'll use recipes as guide lines though.

I just kinda head to the kitchen,
see what I have and make something from that. lol